Musings…

fishmobile

Originally uploaded by tam_iris

Mom lives in a pretty conservative place, with an association that dictates what color they can paint the garage door, what font the numbers on the house have to be, etc. So, yesterday, I was working and saw this van from the window in one of the neighbors’ driveways. It was so cool and I was so excited that I jumped up and had to have a picture of it.

I got the most beautiful spindle I’ve ever bought yesterday. I also got some great fiber, so I just had to take a pic so I could share it with the folks back home. I also had an incredibly good, relaxing break from the sadness and difficulty of hospice. I give my sincere thanks to Pam at The Fiber Studio for being welcoming, friendly, encouraging suggestions about different fiber sources. I got there about 4:30 and fondled things and chatted until she closed up shop in time to get to the post office at 6

This trip has been more difficult than the others to Minneapolis, as it appears to me that John is dying. He’s shown so much spunk in the past that it’s been hard to believe how sick he is, but today and yesterday, it has become very clear that this is a one-way course, and it’s all downhill from here. He’s more confused, in more pain, lots of breakthrough pain on top of pretty major narcotics.

My sincere thanks go out to Mark/BikeBoy, too, who kept me company, showed off his latest tattoos and generally was his wonderfully comforting, loving self last night during a wonderful dinner at Kinh Do of spring rolls and curried beef. Super yummy. I miss having good Vietnamese restaurants around and that made it an extra special treat.

My red sweater, almost complete.

Pic from my flickr

Cute little avatar fights:

http://tamarairis.mybrute.com

After a day of my spinning wheel going snicker-snack, it’s a truly frabjous day, Callooh! Callay! I just completed spinning and plying 8 ounces of Frabjous Fibers 100% wool (unsure if this is Blue Face Leicester or merino, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s BFL) in the colorway Moulin Rouge. It’s absolutely gorgeous, spanning from orange-yellow to eggplant.

A picture of the fiber can be found here.

So, now, off to cuddle up next to Bill. My surgery’s at 7:30 tomorrow morning and I have to be at the hospital at 5:30.

In other news, I got a job offer today. I will be talking with a recruiter on Wednesday so may have more news then.

My darlin’ Sara had a ST-elevation myocardial infarction on Saturday. She’s doing well now, after having some stents placed. She’s on pretty serious restrictions for the next 4-6 weeks, or until her new cardiologist says otherwise, so I’m staying with her, helping out. Workin’ right now while she sleeps. Still decompressing. Too damned scary.

So, lifestyle changes abound for us

From Wolfrick:

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.

1. What are your nicknames?
Tam

2. Would you rather die suddenly with no pain but no prep time or die with some pain but time to prepare?
Time to prepare.

3. If you’re in a relationship what do you most miss about being single?
Being able to eat whatever I want, or not, whenever I want.

4. How many colors are you wearing now?
Purple jeans and skin - in the process of getting dressed.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Introvert, although that seems to surprise some people. Apparently, I’m very good at doing the social thing, but that’s not where I get my energy.

6. What was the last book you read?
Currently reading Possession, Book 2 of Blood Ties by Armintrout; just finished Book 1 of Blood Ties, but the name escapes me right now.

7. Let’s play everybody’s favorite game…what would you do if you won the lottery?
A. Pay off my debts and those of my family.
B. Buy a house in the area off of Cooke Rd. in Columbus, complete with servant’s quarters and “hire” some of my nearest and dearest to take care of me.
C. Do art whenever the mood struck me.
D. Travel to Japan and Amsterdam.
E. Set mom and John up in a nice senior’s assisted living center.

8. Do you like snow?
Yes, but I’m not particularly fond of ice or wind chills

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
I’m kind of a mess; see my last few blog entries. The hardest thing right now is watching John’s decline and dealing with chronic pain.

10. What was the last thing you ate today?
2 pecan tarts, made by my mom and a couple cups of Sumatra. Very yummy stuff.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
I don’t have to be out in the morning very often, but when I have to do it, it takes about 5 minutes to throw on some clothes, otherwise if it’s special, maybe half an hour to find clothes worthy of the event.

12. What websites do you visit daily?
Questionable Content, gmail.

13. What classes are you taking right now? And if you’re not in school anymore, what’s your job?
I have been a medical transcriptionist for 20 years.

14. Do you like to clean?
Depends on the task; some of them I really enjoy, such as handwashing dishes, which I find particularly meditative. I hate vacuuming, but recognize that as damage from my childhood, where I never did a good enough job for my dad

15. What do you want for Christmas?
http://www.thethingsiwant.com/tamiris/

16. What are you doing right now?
Answering this silly meme and getting dressed to take John to the dermatologist and plastic surgeon this afternoon.

17. Who was your childhood idol?
Idol? Probably Dorothy Hamil is the first I remember.

18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?
Pick it up unless it was apparent where it came from; give it back if it was obvious.

19. What is your dream car?
A green 70’s muscle car, as yet undetermined, with a double-barrel carburetor and a big engine.

20. Tell me something you love about the person who tagged you.
Rick is a great kisser.

B: Tag 8 people. Nope, not gonna do it. However, if my friends and loves would like to participate, I’d sure love to see your answers

As you all have some idea, I have been going through my own personal hell lately. I’m with Mom and John, helping them get things organized so that they can live more fully despite John’s illness. It’s very difficult to see the ways in which he has declined.

I’m also dealing with this cyst, and the chronic pain that it has caused. I’m working on losing some weight, eating right, quitting smoking so that I can be as prepared for surgery as possible come February.

My boss has been a darling through all of this; she’s kind, caring and understanding. I want to do something special for her, but I’m not sure what.

What are appropriate gifts for great bosses? Thanks for your input!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7782422.stm

I have this vision of people around America putting together their used shoes, so that they can line the White House lawn with them, sole side up.

So, just what was he doing in Iraq on a surprise visit, anyway? Protecting his Halliburton buddies? Wheeling and dealing? Stirring the pot before President-Elect Obama takes office?

He truly is a dog.

Alright, some gory medical details are to follow below the line, but the short of it is here for those who want to skip the gory stuff. I got sick the other night, went to the ER after calling 911, and spent 13 hours there. I am okay now. I’m not great - my blood pressure is still low-normal off my blood pressure medication and I have some abdominal pain, but I’m alright and have scheduled followup to find out what the real issue might be.

Okay, so, for the details.

I awoke about 3 a.m. Wednesday morning at David and Kathryn’s place after having gone to bed around 2 feeling fine. I didn’t feel right, grabbed my cell phone and headed for the bathroom. I proceeded to be pretty sick, with diarrhea and retching and the most severe pain of my life. The gallbladder attacks of 20 years ago were nothing compared to this. I also became extremely diaphoretic (sweaty), which scared me, as I know it can be a symptom of heart problems, so I first called Bill, and then dialed 911. I was just barely able to get dressed and meet the squad outside so that I wouldn’t get the dogs all riled up.

Let me just say, this EMT was the coldest SOB I ever met. They let me crawl into the back of the squad (I’m sure they didn’t want to try to lift me). He complained that I couldn’t be still enough to get my blood pressure. He then told me my blood sugar was “crazy high”. I had informed them I am diabetic. They get me to Triage, and the nurse starts taking vitals and history. At this point, the EMT tells her my blood sugar was 166, hardly “crazy high” for a diabetic. As soon as she got my blood pressure, a mere 78/43, she quit with the history and got me back into the ER. By this time, Bill had come up behind me and had his hands on my shoulders; his presence was very soothing, but it was clear he was pretty scared, too. Neither of us is used to getting that kind of attention in the ER, as usually it’s stitches or something less critical, but a blood pressure that low was obviously not something to be messed with.

They got me back and put IVs in both hands, started 2 bags of fluids to try to get my pressure up, at first with little success. I was out of it and in a lot of pain, but it was lessening. The evening nurse was awesome and helpful, very apologetic about having to do the IVs in my hands, very professional. The doctor was in my room every 5 minutes or so, which of course had me scared shitless. They drew a bunch of labs.

So, my blood cultures were clean, my labs were all normal, except for a white count of 19. They infused vancomycin and Zosyn. They sent me to x-ray to get films of my guts. They gave me morphine for the pain, which helped a lot and allowed me to sort of fugue out and almost-sleep for a while. I sent Bill home with Dan to get some rest, and Dan came back with some clean clothes, rubbed my back, was very sweet to me.

The x-rays and a bedside ultrasound apparently showed a mass on my right ovary, so they sent me for a CT scan with IV and oral contrast. Bleh. Yuck. If I never do that again, it’ll be too soon. That confirmed the mass, so they then sent me for a transvaginal ultrasound. Again, very miserable stuff, especially when you’re in pain. I’ve never had penetration hurt before, so that was pretty scary.

So, I wait around some more, and the OB/GYN resident comes to do a pelvic exam; there’s nothing grossly wrong, but there’s tenderness when she does the bimanual exam. She tells me about the mass, which apparently is about 2.5 x 4.5 x 5.6 cm.

After 13 hours in the ER and the third resident of the day, they gave me a meal try and some discharge instructions, sent me home. It was after hours and the person who schedules followup was already gone, but she called me tonight and I have a followup appointment for Monday afternoon.

We still don’t have an explanation for the diaphoresis and drop in my blood pressure. It just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, except perhaps the mass is a cyst and it burst. That MIGHT cause the diaphoresis and the BP drop, but…

I’m alright, as I said, but not completely okay. I’m scared about what Monday will bring. I suspect I’m headed for surgery to have this mass removed, and if so I intend to come out of it sterilized. I’m beyond an age when I believe it would be safe or reasonable for me to be pregnant, anyway, and birth control is a pain, so it would solve that, at least.

I’ll keep you posted on what happens.